The Three-Legged Cow
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So this little girl had this toy cow at the playground. And there was this little boy there who really wanted it.

The cow only had three legs and he’d never seen anything like it. And he couldn’t stop staring at it.

And then the little girl left it on the pirate ship by the steering wheel and the little boy found it. He told himself it was a finder’s keeper and tried to forget that he knew full well whose it was. And he put it in his pocket and went on the tire swing and felt great. Really great. Until he heard someone crying. It was the girl.

She was crying to her mama and he really hoped it was ‘cause she fell and skinned her knee. But it wasn’t. She was crying because she lost her favorite toy.

And the little boy wished he hadn’t heard what she was saying. But he did hear.  That this three-legged cow had belonged to her great grandfather. And that he’d played with it when he was her age. And then his son played with it. And his son. And so on and so on. Basically, he’d found out that this toy had survived like a hundred years without any damage other than its missing leg.

And he tried again to convince himself that it was no big deal but this cow was burning up in his pocket. And then his mama said, “Honey your face is bright red, are you ok?” And the boy started crying and told the whole story. “Well you know what you have to do,” she said. He begged his mama to do his dirty work, but they both knew it was his job. So he sighed and his mama gave him a kiss on his head and he walked over to the little girl. And when he handed her the cow, she gave him the biggest hug. And that’s when he decided he didn’t need to tell her the whole story. He knew what happened. And that’s what counts.

And he never took anything that wasn’t his ever again. Well, except when it was a real finder’s keeper.

The end.

Jessica Kane
The Hippo Who Wanted A Story
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Once there was a hippo who lived in a children’s book and he realized one day that he wanted to hear a story about the little boy who was always reading about him.

And so he asked the child if this would be ok. And the child said, “Sure,” and so he started telling the hippo a story about how he woke up that morning and brushed his teeth. And the hippo said, “You brush your teeth?” And the child said, “Of course I do.” And then the child said, “Do you want hear a story about me or do you want to ask a lot of questions?” And the hippo said, “Sorry, I’ll listen to the story.”

So the hippo listened from his swamp which was on the last page of his book as the boy went on and on. And he was right at the part about how he’d built a lego garage but shouldn’t have built it naked because he sat on a lego, when his mother interrupted and told him it was time for bed.

His mother then rather abruptly closed the book and the hippo didn’t even get to hear the rest of the boy’s story. And from his bed, the little boy could still hear the hippo from inside the back cover of his book, begging from the bookshelf to know what happened next.

The end.

Jessica Kane
Ripping Service
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Once there was a boy who had a ripping service. His job was to rip apart everything that could rip.

Whenever his mommy got upset with him about this, he simply explained: “Mama, I have to rip. I have a ripping service.”

He ripped receipts and bags and boxes and itineraries and taxes and photographs, but his favorite thing to rip by far were library books.

His mother became especially stern about the library books. “This is where I draw the line,” she scolded. “If you don’t tape all these pages back together right now, I’ll be forced to cancel all playdates until further notice!”

“Ok mama,” the boy said. “But I’ll have to call Joe down the street first, to see if his taping service is still in business.”

And then the boy sang to his mama his favorite song: “Da da da da da da… da!” 

Jessica Kane
Climbing the Titan Tree
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My mommy told me NOT to climb the Titan Tree. If you have never heard of the Titan Tree, I’m going to tell you what it is. It’s the biggest tree in the known universe. It stretches from Planet Earth all the way up to Titan. And it has a red caution ribbon around it with signs all over that say DO NOT ENTER! DANGER! But I really needed to climb the Titan Tree. Sometimes I’m in control of my brain and other times, I am not. This was one of those times I was not.

So I started to climb the tree. I passed squirrels and bird nests and then my head went through a cloud and almost knocked into a star. Then, I was too high for my own good and I started to cry. I could see the Earth. I could see the blue and the green but I could not see my house or my mommy and this made me the most sad and the most scared I’d ever been.

Thank goodness my phone had a signal. So I called my mother and she was more than stern when I told her where I was. I have never heard my mother so upset. In fact she was so angry that her legs started to shake and grow bark. Right there on the sidewalk they turned into tree trunks that grew bigger and bigger while she was roaring into the phone about how angry she was. And in a matter of minutes, she and I were face to face at the tippy top of the Titan Tree.

Her face was made of birch and her arms were the longest branches and her mouth was so scary I hid behind her leaves. And then she grabbed me. I didn’t know what she was going to do to me. Thank goodness she hugged me. Hugged me so close to her chest I could barely breath. I was crying, “I’m sorry, Mommy, I shouldn’t have climbed the Titan Tree.” And she was crying too. “I love you so much, but when are you going to start listening to me? When?” “Right now,” I said. “Like the last right now?” “No,” I said, “Like this new right now.” And I hugged her back as tight as I could and we started shrinking down down down through outer space till we were back on the sidewalk again, like regular people.

And then my mommy took a deep breath. “How about we get some ice cream?” she said. And I said, “That sounds nice, mommy.” And so we did. And we had a nice rest of the day.

The End.

Jessica Kane
Too Many Toys
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Did you hear the one about the boy with too many toys? Whose family kept giving him more and more toys and then yelling at him to pick them all up when he never brought them to the house to begin with? The boy whose mom and dad said enough is enough and went on a cleaning strike even though the boy’s aunts and uncles and all their aunts and uncles still sent boxes of toys that blocked the front door so the family couldn’t even get out of the house? Well, that boy is me! So if any kids want a lot of toys please come get them so I can go to school! Thank you!

Jessica Kane
The Girl Who Wouldn’t Take A Bath
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Once upon a time there was a girl who wouldn’t take a bath. Even her mother had to wear a clothespin over her nose to get close enough for a hug.

“Please!” her mother begged. “Please take a bath!!!”

But she wouldn’t.

In time, the smell got worse. People knew she was coming from a mile away.

Then parsnips began to grow on her arms. And mushrooms on her legs. And soon she couldn’t wear shoes ‘cause of the carrots on her feet. Finally she cried, “Ok, mama, I’m ready! I’m ready for my bath!!!”

But it was too late.

They had to hire a farmer. Who drove to their house in his combine harvester. And though the vegetables came off easily, the dirt was still so thick. “How ‘bout we hose her down,” her father asked. “Go ahead, Daddy,” the little girl cried.

Finally her mother saw a gleam, a sliver of flesh! “My baby!!!” And she ran to her muddy daughter and hugged her up tight. 

And after the last of all the mud came off, she finally took her bath. And another one every night thereafter.

The End.

Jessica Kane
The Big Misunderstanding
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A penguin and a lion were waiting for the bus one day. The lion was going on and on about how sad he was. How he was tired of doing the same old thing day in and day out. The penguin was trying to help him. “You’ve got to appreciate what you have, Lion, instead of focusing on all the things you don’t.” And then, out of nowhere, the lion and the penguin were surrounded by official-looking people who assumed incorrectly that they’d escaped from the zoo. And the penguin and the lion were kidnapped.

They tried to explain to their captors that they had never ever lived in a zoo. That they had an apartment together and made their living selling crafts online. But the people didn’t believe them. And the zookeeper stripped them of their clothes and belongings and put them in a cage right next to the elephants and rhinos.

The lion was really depressed now and the penguin said, “Well, I suppose this is going to be the moment you’re gonna start begging for your old life?” And the lion said, “Please, now is not the time to get on my last nerve.” And the penguin rolled his eyes and picked the lock with his beak and the lion and the penguin left the zoo and took the bus naked back to their apartment. But at the door, they realized they didn’t have their keys. And the lion was all ready to bash it down when the penguin turned the knob. “Oh,” said the lion. “I guess we forgot to lock it.”

Inside, the Lion leaned back on the couch and smiled while the penguin drank tea. “Well, Penguin,” he said. “I guess there really is no place like home.”

The End.

Jessica Kane
The Boy Who Befored His Daddy’s Ear
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Once upon a time, a little boy befored his daddy’s ear.

If you don’t know what it means to before something, it means to remove it and send it back to mother nature to the time it existed before it was born.

The little boy didn’t know exactly what he was doing because he just learned this magic. And so the daddy lost his ear until a year later, when it got born again. Which was a problem because the ear was really really small, like a newborn’s, but it was on the head of the daddy that was still daddy-sized. And all the people said, “Whoa, that daddy sure has a tiny ear!”

But the daddy tried to make it work. Which was hard sometimes, because from that tiny ear, he couldn’t understand words. He heard like a baby. So he laughed a lot when people spoke to him on that side because they sounded so funny. But thankfully most people understood what had happened and were ok with it. They just spoke to his bigger ear. And by the time enough years went by, his tiny ear grew up and everyone lived happilier ever after.

The end.

Jessica Kane
The Biggest Beach Towel
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I know a boy named Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba. And one day, he and his mama went to the beach and sat next to another mama and her boy. And Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba noticed that the boy’s towel had some letters on it. And so he asked the boy, “Excuse me, but what does your towel say?” And the boy said, “It spells my name. Max.” And Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba couldn’t believe it. “Wow,” he said. “I didn’t know towels could say your name on them!” So he asked his mama, “Mama, can I have a towel that says my name on it?” And because his Mama always gave him everything he wanted, she said, “Why of course you can!” And so later that day, his mama called the personalized towel factory and ordered her son a towel. “Wow, that’s a mouthful,” the man told her. “Give us a couple months.” And a couple months later, a giant box was waiting for him on his stoop. Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba Mahabba was so excited. He and his mama took the towel right to the beach. And as soon as he got there, he ran over to Max and waited for his Mama who was lagging a bit behind because she needed a hand truck to carry the thing. And after they unfurled this gigantic towel, every child at the beach ran over because they’d never seen such a giant towel. In fact, it was so big that every boy and girl at the entire beach could play on it. And so they did. And everyone had the best day they ever had.

The End.

Jessica Kane
The Little Boy and His Friend
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Once there was a little boy who had a little friend that looked exactly like him. And one day, they were in their room together and the one boy said, “I think I smell smoke,” and the other boy agreed. Luckily, they knew what to do. They called 911 and waited outside for the helpers to arrive.

A minute later, a very loud fire truck whizzed into the driveway and as the fire fighters unfurled their hoses, one of them asked the boy if there was anyone else in the house. And that’s when the boy realized he’d left the other boy inside.

He cried when he realized this, and the firefighter gave him a hug and said, “It’s ok. We’ll get him right away!” And she carried the little boy back into the house so he could lead her to his friend. And the boy took her into his bedroom, to the mirror on the wall, and when they were standing in front of it, he cried, “There he is! Right there!” And so she took the mirror off the wall and carried them both to safety. And as the little boy hugged his friend, the firefighter told him he was a hero. And then she told his mama to make sure not to forget about the oatmeal in the pot ever again.

The End.

Jessica Kane
My Elevator
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Here’s a secret. I have an elevator in my body. Yup. And it takes me wherever I want to go. 

I press the button for the top floor to get good ideas.
I press the heart button when I want to feel love.
When I forget who I am, I press my center button. 
And when I forget where I am, I always press the ground floor.

But sometimes, I let other people press my buttons and this causes a lot of mayhem. Especially when other people press that one red button that sends me flying through my own roof.

It’s scary out there. Especially when I’m yelling for that same person to send me back to where I wanna be and they’ve already gone and can’t even hear me!

But the thing I’m realizing more and more about all this, is that other people aren’t even in my elevator. As far as I can tell, I’m the one here. Which means other people can’t really press my buttons. Only I can. So I guess the trick is remembering to take myself where I want to go, instead of where I don’t.

Jessica Kane
Imaginary Friends
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I have something I need to talk with you about.

What is it?

My mother told me you’re just my imaginary friend. 

Hm. That’s interesting. Because my mother said the same thing about you. She says you’re not real. 

Could this just be a dream?

It could be. But how can we figure out which one of us is real, and which one of us is only a dream?

How about we pinch each other and see who feels it!





Interesting indeed.

Well, maybe both our mothers are right.

Well, either way, I’m glad we’re in the same dream.

Me, too. There’s no one else’s I’d rather be in!

Jessica Kane
The Highest Leaves
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There was a giraffe who wanted some leaves he couldn't reach. Mind you, there were tons of other leaves he could reach. He was a giraffe after all. But he couldn't stop thinking about these out-of-reach leaves. And he also couldn't stop talking about these out-of-reach leaves with every giraffe who would stick around to listen.

“Would you stop thinking about leaves you can't reach and be happy with these leaves right here?”

“What makes you think they're any better anyhow?”

“You're going to drive yourself and the rest of us nuts!”

But the giraffe couldn't control his brain so he made himself some stilts.

When he walked into the village with them on, everyone was terrified. But the extra tall giraffe didn't care. He was too busy making a beeline to his tree.

Finally he was eye-to-eye with those higher leaves. The giraffe was drooling. “Ok,” he said. “Here I go.” And he started chomping.

After chomping for some time something made him look down. And when he did, he saw all his giraffe friends staring up with such longing. They looked so small down there. And they weren't even chomping like they always chomped. They were too busy wondering if maybe they were missing out. That maybe those higher leaves were better after all.

The giraffe on stilts began to feel sad. Not only because the higher leaves really weren't better than the others. And not only because his back was aching from being on stilts. But because he missed his friends. And so he tossed a bunch of leaves down to prove they tasted just the same, took off his stilts and began chomping the leaves he could reach without suffering. And he never wore his stilts again.

Jessica Kane
The Contest
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Once I was eating french fries with my best friend and I was jealous that she had more than me. So I said, “Hey let’s have a contest to see who can eat their french fries the fastest!” And so she started gobbling them all up and guess what I did? I didn’t eat a single one. I just sat there and watched till she had none. Then she looked at me and said, “I won, I won!” And I said, “Yes you did. But now you have no french fries.” And I started eating mine with this horrible smile on my face. And that’s when she started crying. “You’re so mean!” she said. And when I realized she was right, the french fries suddenly tasted terrible. And then I started to cry, too. I knew there were only two things I could do. I could point off in the distance and shout, “Look! An eagle!” and run away when she wasn’t looking. Or I could say I’m sorry. I opted for saying sorry and I also gave her half my french fries. And not only did they taste yummy again, I realized that life is a lot happier when everyone gets to have what they want together.
The End.

Jessica Kane