Finding My Mother A Job On Craig's List

It had been a year since my mother moved into my one-bedroom apartment in Yonkers. And we both knew it was time for her to leave. I found a great-sounding job opportunity on Craig’s List as a live-in housekeeper down in Florida, so I wrote the woman an email:

Hi,

I’m actually writing for my mother who is looking for just this sort of position, but she does not know how to use a computer.

My mother is incredibly witty and brilliant and has a wide array of talents and knowledge. She has taken care of elderly people before and lots of other demographics of people. She is an excellent cook, extremely cleanly, very responsible, and inspiring as well. She also has a medical background. [My mother insisted I add this.]

If this position is still open, please let me know so I can put you in touch with my mother. It might be a perfect match!

Thank you,

Jessica Kane, daughter of Eliza Kane.

So this woman, Noreen, wrote back, saying she was interested. She explained she was looking for a live-in housekeeper but also someone to take care of her two dogs and two cats, and wanted to know if my mother was good with animals.

“Oh yes,” I wrote back. “She is wonderful with animals. I have two dogs and a cat and they love my mother. In fact she’s been teaching my cat French. I mean, not really, but the cat is so very fond of my mother. He sits at her side and purrs during their lessons.”

The interview was a phone call. And I chewed my cuticles the whole time listening to my mother go on and on about what an honest woman she was.

“…Yes, I’ve been staying with my daughter who just graduated from Sarah Lawrence, but she can’t afford to pay for her apartment anymore so she’s moving back Upstate to the mountains… And [laughing her ladies-who-lunch laugh] I’m not exactly a mountain woman…”

“…Oh very good. Well, Noreen, I feel as if I already know you. The way you’re speaking, I feel like we are simpatico…”

“...Yes, of course I have references.”

[Me, my husband, and my friend Ed, who agreed to pretend he was someone else.]

“…I hear you. And I hate to interrupt, but for complete transparency I want to tell you that when I was in Florida, running the hotel, I became very ill. Now, I’m a very active woman. Walk five miles a day, but…”

I cringed and closed my eyes tight, praying for her to stop talking but she continued…

“…on September 5th, I passed out. My neighbor found me…”

“…I know. Thank you.”

“…Well actually, it was a result of sweating too much. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of Hyponatremia... Yes, yes. I’m all better now. I’m a very healthy woman. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink…”

I almost choked listening to that one.

“…in fact Noreen, I’m not one to blow my own horn, but I am a very attractive woman. I’ve always taken very good care of myself. I’m 58, but no one would ever guess…”

There was silence.

I held my breath, certain that Noreen was deleting my mother’s name from her list of possibilities.

“…Oh yes! Let me give my daughter your email. I don’t do computers,” she laughed.

“Jessica! Are you ready?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“N-o-r-r-e-e-n-9-1-1-a-t-y-a-h-o-o-d-o-t…

“Thank you, Mother,” I interrupted. “I got it.”

“…Yes of course, I will,” my mother said.

“…Oh yes! It’s been SO very very nice speaking with you as well… You too, Noreen.”

“…Bye bye now.”

After my mother hung up, she started chuckling. And I had to as well, but it was a nervous, exhausted chuckle.

I felt so full of anxiety—trying to resolve the fact that I was once again my mother’s accomplice, once again driving the getaway vehicle.

“Oh come on Jessica. Don’t look so pale. In this fucked up world, a woman has to do what a woman has to do.”

“I’m not judging. I think your way of surviving is extremely creative and resourceful. I just don’t want you getting into any trouble.”

“I’m not going to get ‘into any trouble’. Jesus, Jessica, you don’t skip a beat. I am merely creating an opportunity for myself. And quite honestly, I don’t see how this is any different from what you’ve been learning in all your little brainwashing courses.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

So Noreen hired my mother the very next day but only after making sure my mother was ok with the fact that her husband was a recovering alcoholic and that they hold weekly AA and Al-Anon meetings at their home.

“Oh my god,” I said to my mother.

“The universe certainly does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t it darling.”

The plan was to get a rental car and drive my mother to Florida. It would be our very first road trip. Really, our very first vacation, not counting the time she rescued me from overnight camp when I was little.

My mother was in such good spirits . And It felt good to join her. She even fixed her hair put on make-up and perfume and was brushing Sealips with a big smile on her face. 

“You’ll need to brush him when I’m gone, you know.”

“I thought he was self-cleaning.”

“He’s a cat, Jess, not an oven.”

Then my mother’s eyes started tearing. “You saved my life, Jessica,” she said.

“Well, that makes me proud and happy.”

“It damn well should.”

“Well it does.”

“I only hope that when I’m gone, you will love yourself as much as you’ve loved me.”

“I will.”

“You better, little girl.”

-JLK