“I am completely wrecked. My trusted friend and farm sitter of almost 20 years, ignored my horse's colic symptoms and watched her suffer for two days until April died. The farm sitter was shocked to find her dead. We came home to a dead horse in our corral who had been there for two days, and our other horse being absolutely frantic. It's been three weeks, and the farm sitter has not contacted me in any way. We are no longer Facebook or any other kind of friend. She's just someone that I used to know. I don't have the energy reserve to sustain any kind of anger or hate toward her. My horse suffered a horrible, agonizing death. That's where my pain and anger are. This is such a deep betrayal of trust. I don't even know what I would say to her as she seems to have no regrets or feelings of accountability. I no longer feel I can leave my farm because I can't trust anyone to not let my animals die. April's unnecessary death will haunt me forever.”
—Anonymous
Reframe:
I am so sorry this happened to you and to April. This is beyond awful. And there is no reframe I could offer that could possibly ease the pain of this horrible tragedy. There is simply no sense to be made of it.
You trusted someone who had earned your trust for close to 20 years. You put your horse in her good hands and those hands let you down and let your horse down.
And there’s been no effort to contact you? No accountability? No apology to ease your pain? No effort to support you?
That is a lot of pain on top of a lot of pain.
Even if she is devastated, as I’m sure she must be, I wish she would have been able to do the right thing and at least contact you to take responsibility.
One of the most difficult things about life in my opinion is when we inagine that other people have our backs and then they let us down. And when they let us down in unforgivable ways, it’s hard to figure out how to find completion—it’s like a live wire of so much emotion flailing all over the place that we can’t do anything about.
This world can be so brutal and so unfair. And I’m holding your anger and your heartbreak and your betrayal in my heart. And I’m hoping so much that in your unfathomable grief, you can find a way to soothe yourself, and find a way to get the kind of support that will help you find some comfort as you mourn.
The only thing I can think of that might help ease your pain, is to figure out a way to plug that live wire of so much emotion into a way to honor your horse. I know nothing about horses, but is there a way to create some sort of protocol for farm sitters, some agreement that every farm sitter needs to read and sign, stating that if there are signs of colic, steps must be taken to get immediate medical help as if it IS colic?
I hope that others will add reframes to this post in the comments. In the meantime, I am sending you my love, my condolences, and my prayers for peace and healing. You did nothing wrong. This was out of your hands.